Wednesday, April 26, 2006

This is a post dedicted to my new foodstore of choice, The Co-op.

The Co-op is ace because it sells loads of Fairtrade food and a surprising amount of American food, according to American Emily.

I was in there today buying some noodles and minding my own buisness when the lady at the till suddenly beams at me and says "Oh! You are looking particulary lovely today!" which was weird, because I don't recall ever seeing the woman before. It was nice of her though. I think it was my stylish Pokemon skirt that did it.

But just then the lady behind me in the queue chirps up with "Yes, you do rather brighten up the average Co-op customer's day!" Which I thought was weird because:

  1. Who refers to themselves as "the average Co-op customer"???
  2. Why was this 40 year old woman so enthusastic about my appearance? I was wearing a Pokemon skirt. Are most 40 year olds into Pokemon?
  3. She said it while grinning like a phycho.
I got embarrased and left at this point, thinking to myself "I can't wait to write this in my blog!!"

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Jeez, caffeine withdrawl sure has its effects on me. It makes me say "jeez", for one. I just had a conversation on msn which went along the lines of:

OtherPerson: ... you have a bad memory.
GrumpyVickie: You are scum.
OtherPerson: Pardon?
GrumpyVickie: Go and die.

I am a bad person. And to the other person, who I know reads this blog, I'll be sorry soon. Not yet. Right now, I still find it all very amusing. Mwah ha ha.

Ok ok, distraction. If I distract myself, my mood might change.

So yes, I'm going to be an auntie! I will be the best auntie ever. I already have a tshirt picked out for the wee one. For those of you too lazy to click on links (or who can't bear to tear your eyes away from my genius), it says "I only cry when ugly people hold me." I showed it to my boyfriend a while ago, and he wants to buy one for himself. I'm not sure the joke would still work, but its an amusing thought none the less.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I never intended for this to be a photo blog, but it's what its quickly becoming. I thought keeping a blog would give me an outlet to develop my writing skills, so I could become some sort of literacy supremo (Ok, maybe an oxymoron. Blogs aren't exactly known as masterpieces of the creative word.) but I'm quickly filling it with pictures of people with guns. Its not intentional, I swear. But yes, I have more photos. I'm sorry.

I'm at work right now, which is why this post will be short. I'm puppy sitting the ghetto puppy, who I have mentioned in an earlier post. She didn't look too "ghetto" in the wussy photo I posted of her however, so I thought I'd justify her hardcore name with photos from today.



Notice the hardcore ghetto hoody? Also, the bling? Do I need any further proof that Maisie is "ghetto?"

I think she's saying "Oy! I iz da ghetto puppy! If yoo do not think I iz ghetto, I will set my homedawgs on you, innit!"

Monday, April 24, 2006

The internet is a fantastic thing.

It introduced me to my new friend Vickie, who in turn introduced me to My Heritage. My Heritage is a site where you can submit a photo of yourself, and it studies your facial features and tells you which celebrities you most resemble. Not one to pass up a chance to be vain, I gave it a go.

Apparently I most resemble Lucy Lui.




I don't see it myself, but I'm rather flattered that My Heritage does. Apparently, I also look like Prince Harry. I am less impressed with that.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Today I had a meeting with my fellow gappers. We got distracted, and ended up playing with toy laser guns in the garden for an hour. It was fun.



I love the last photo because of what a nerf I look in it. Everyone else is in fairly serious poses, and there I am, trying to look hard but looking more like a misguided clown.

Another thing I love about nice weather is how easy it is to get a good photo in it. I feel such a pro. I mean, just look at this.



See how I captured Dave's thoughtful, contemplative look perfectly? I am ace.

Also, look how joyful I look in this tree hugging picture. I had to crop my car out of it - it didn't add to the hippy earth mother look I was going for. See how in love I look? That tree is my friend. I shall call him Hezekiah, because I'm biblical like that.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Ever since I was a little girl I've wished I had a beard. They always seemed to be the epitomy of manliness, and for some reason I aspired to that.

Well, now my wish has been granted. I now have a beard. See?




Ok, maybe some of you can't see. But it is there, I swear. I have one hair. A girl's gotta start somehow, you know.

This beard malarky has been misunderstood by some as my subconcious's way of making me look further like my boyfriend, who has also recently grown a fetching beard. Not as fetching as mine ofcourse, but I should give him some kudos.

Also, we only look alike in some photos.


Whatever point I was making, I think its made.

I'll be back.

Friday, April 21, 2006

I looked through some old family albums with my mum the other day. I found some disturbing photos that I need to share. This is my dad as a child.


I just don't understand. Why is he wearing a shiny Peter Pan outfit? Why does he look so happy about it? Why are his knees so funny looking? Why are my knees exactly the same? What's up with the asymetrical emo fringe? The mind boggles.

I needn't worry though, because he grew up into this fine young man.


Why does Daddy have a gun? What's with the evil grin? How did he make the cap look so jaunty? Does he still have the hat? Can I have it? This would be a great photo for a caption contest.

This is my Gran when she was my age.. Her name is Alice Lilley.


I wish I looked like Gran. I don't know why I don't - I look like my Mum, and she looks like my Gran. But notice the nice shiny brown hair on Gran's head? I think thats my hair. I need to check with Mum though. Maybe my hair is just a cheap imitation of Gran's hair.

I miss Gran.


PS - Had blood test today. The dialogue went like this.

Grumpy Nurse: Are you Victoria?
Chirpy Vickie: That's me!
Grumpy Nurse: Are you scared of needles?
Chirpy Vickie: No, but I faint alot! Haha.
Grumpy Nurse: Great. You've just made my day.

She had a great bedside manner.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

*She saved my life on msn!

So, I went to the doctors. Yvette and Emily came too which was nice of them, and made the waiting room experience more enjoyable and entertaining.

I wrote down this huge long list of symptoms the night before so I'd feel like I was taking a real ailment to the doctor, instead of just a namby pamby "I feel, I dunno, sorta, maybe, poorly?" but forgot it all the minute I walked through the door. I never know what to say at the doctors anyway.

Doctor: Can I help you?
Me: Uh, no. I think I'm wasting your time actually. I just wanted to know how you are. How's the wife and kids, anyway?

As the case always is at the doctor's, they immediately suspect I'm pregnant. They ask this whatever symptoms I present them with. Seriously, I told the doctor I'd lost weight, and he still asked if I'd considered that I might be pregnant. I once went in with mouth ulcers, and they still asked if I was having unprotected sex.

I actually went away with ear drops. While the doctor was poking about in my ears, he noticed alot of wax. I go back for blood tests on Friday though, so my hypochondria feels justified for now.


Tuesday, April 18, 2006

For those of you waiting in expectation, my left hand did not explode in an eruption of itching and pussing. It looks exactly the same as my right hand. I can either conclude that I am not allergic to latex, or I'm only allergic to certain types of inside-rubber-glove-powder (Its medical name, I assure you...). I also have a doctor's appointment this afternoon.

I found out something of great significance to your lives last night. The Futurama Theme Music is freakishly similar to the start of Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana. According to Wiki, the songs are so similar that when bands play shaky Nirvana covers at venues, people often presume that they're playing Futurama. This amused me greatly.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Oh, and one last thing...

I am now on Google!

I found this out by accident, while I was procrastinating and googling myself. I found my Blogger Profile, and thought maybe it was a fluke. Further investigations followed on from this, and it appears that Google actually searches the content of my blog. For example, google "ghetto puppy" and there I am!

See?



If you're interested, if you search for "pokemon corset," the first result is my friends myspace profile, where I've left a comment talking about how I need more.

I'm going to go home now. My eye itches (I possibly touched it with the Gloves of Doom?) and I feel slightly less (but still very) dizzy, so I'll risk driving.


Monday, April 17, 2006

I'm back!

I feel super dizzy still, and concentrating on that ruddy essay is getting even more difficult. But I forgot to tell you something else menial.

Its the end of lent now! I can buy clothes!

Over easter, I spent many an hour covetting items I saw on eBay, especially Pokemon clothes. I twined about it in this post.

Now I am free, free as the wind, to buy as many Pokemon outfits as I desire, it is proving difficult. I still haven't made that elusive first purchase, but I'm trying really hard. Bear with me.

I found a matching skirt and top combo on eBay and bidded on them both. They're made by different people too, which makes them all the more exciting. Unfortunetly, I was outbidded on the skirt by someone who so won't appreciate it as much as I do. I emailed the seller complaining and she says she'll make another and let me bid on that. I like the seller. She soothed me with her promises of new pokemon skirts.

Just look at the outfit! Look, look!




How cool would I be if I owned that?


Monday, April 17, 2006

I have many more important things to do. I am currently attempting and failing to write an essay that my admission to college depends on. And even blogging-wise, I still haven't told you about my trip to London. Or Blaithwaite. This must seem really uninteresting in comparision, but its whats on my mind.

At about lunch time, I fainted. I felt rather sorry for myself, so I spent about an hour scouring the internet for possible diseases I may be suffering from. Worryingly, my first google search came up with "Symptoms of Cancer." Oh dear. I do appear to be suffering from all the symptoms of diabetes though, so I'll get that checked out tomorrow if I can. The doctor will no doubt tell me that its just my age, but I'd rather be a diagnosed hypochondriac than an undiagnosed diabetic.

But its not even
that that is preying on my mind at the moment. I am worrying about rubber gloves.

Last week I spent a merry afternoon cleaning out public toilets, wearing some stylish yellow gloves. Several hours later, I developed an impressive rash on the back of both of my hands. Yvette, being more intelligent than me (Vickie: "Maybe I'm allergic to not wearing rings!"), made the connection.

It hurt. The photo does not do justice.



But yes, the rash cleared up over the weekend. The back of my hands are currently just very dry and in need of some E45. But curiousity got the better of me.

I researched latex allergies on the internet. If I am suffering from one, it appears that I have a Type IV Latex Allergy, which is the less serious one. It seems a very common thing, and actually has several support sites.

If an ailment is irritating enough to warrant a support site, I want to be certain if I have it or not. So I have composed a simple test to put my mind at rest.

I found a rubber glove in the kitchen at work, and am currently wearing it on my left hand. I will leave it there for an hour (its already been 40 minutes. Typing is difficult when you have marigolds on, you know.) and then wait, and see if The Rash From Hell comes back to haunt me. If it does, I deserve no sympathy and need to be mocked for my stupidity and crude methods of medical testing.

Check me out, blog dawgs.


It sort of itches slightly, but that could just be me being paranoid.

I'm not paranoid at all.

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

I'll let you know how it goes, and take photos of any pussing/bleeding. I know you all dig that.

Friday, April 07, 2006

It is one of my many missions in life to start one of them over used chain letters that appear in my inbox daily. The internet is a big place though, so I shall start with myspace .

This is my first attempt in a while, so I thought I'd try and be at least vaguely witty and relevant. So I present to you, The Myspace Photo Promise.

I promise that from now on...

I will never post photos of me where my hair obscures my eyes. Because ofcourse, its so much easier to look hawt and scene that way.

I will never post photos of myself taken from obscure angles. If I don't look good in a normal photo, I should stop trying.

I will never post song lyrics as captions. They make me look up myself.

I will never Photoshop images to within an inch of their lives. If I only want people to see an airbrushed version of me, I have issues.

I will never take photos of myself, just so I can post them on myspace. It must not consume the life of me, or my digital camera.

I will never post photos that are almost exactly the same as the one before - same angle/same make up/same myspace face.

I will never base my self esteem on the amount of comments I receive from strangers.

Repost this bulletin or the Penguin of Doom will appear on your screen in exactly 10 minutes 37 seconds and eat your soul.


So when you see some sort of version of that in your myspace inbox, you know where it started.

Friday, April 07, 2006

I had my driving test on Tuesday! And I passed! I have no idea how though, I am a total liability. I have Clutch Lust, an overwhelming desire to get friendly with the kerb and no sense of direction.

The first thing the Driving Test Man (mine was called Bruce. What a name. Just makes me think of Bruce Bright though...) does is make you read a license plate from a while away, to see if you're blind. I got it wrong. This surely was an indicator that I am not fit to drive, and should be locked away in a safe place somwhere. Oh no, I managed to scrape by.

I drove on the motorway for the first time today. It was so cool. I went on my own too - I figured if I went with someone esle, that was someone else more to damage. As it was, it was easier than normal driving and I loved it. I could drive fast! Super fast! And still be slower than everyone else! It was awesome.

I am stealing the car again tomorrow. This is so much fun.