I took Rob&Rob to the Saturday Market in Penrith this weekend and they ate burgers.

I've moved out of halls now, which is quite sad. It had it's low points, but I'll miss it a lot. I can't move into our glorious home in Didsbury until July, so until then I'm squatting anywhere I can. I'm living in Pennie's old house at the moment, and I'm moving to Northern Moor in a week or so for a while. It's odd living on my own; I've watched so much Futurama that I'm speaking in a slight American drawl, and the fridge is filled with half finished tins of food. I'm having to steal internet off a neighbour too, hence my silence online recently.

I'm working for the Youth Service in Macclesfield for the next 8 weeks. I'm enjoying it a lot, but travelling there everyday is costing me a bomb. I've got enough money to half fill my car up today, then I'm broke and without food until a cheque clears.

Speaking of work, I'm late.

I've been meaning to write this post for a while, but I've struggled; it's surprisingly hard to shock anyone at college because they're so laid back. Much to my dismay, there's no more prudes here than anywhere else, so I can't take advantage of that. However, we've tried our hardest to cause merriment. I hope you enjoy.

- Never take your Bible anywhere. Why would you need it?
- Bring questionable creation science into as many arguments as possible. Why wouldn't God plant dinosaur bones in the ground to test our faith?
- Gasp with a careful mixture of shock, distaste and fear whenever you hear the phrase "the call to singleness."
- Do musical renditions of "Sex on the Beach" before and after chapel services.
- Describe Westboro Baptist Church's theology as "challenging" and "inspirational."
- Request that the worship group sing their songs more often in Chapel.
- Use Hillsong United lyrics to disagree with the teachings of important theologians.
- Tell couples to "Make room for Jesus!" at every opportunity.
- "I say this in love brother, but..."
- Attempt to organise wine tasting parties on the back lawn at least once a month.
- Blame everyone elses's pain and suffering on a lack of faith. If you ever get hurt yourself, it's because Satan is persecuting you because of your holiness.
- Swear down that it definitely says "in the Bible somewhere" that the Antichrist will be British and that cider is the blood of Satan. Spend all your Biblical studies lectures searching for these elusive verses.
- Punctuation isn't neccesary during spoken prayers; the word "Lord" will suffice. E.g. "Lord, we ask you Lord, that Lord, you just come to us Lord, help us Lord, and Lord, you're amazing Lord, be our protector Lord, O Lord, we need you Lord..."
- Cover your ears and go "La la la!" whenever lecturers quote from female theologians.
- Remember, the only reason God calls people to theological college is to get married. Keep this at the front of your thinking throughout your entire education.
- As a side note: Freshers = fresh husband material
- Quote from the Book of Hezekiah at every opportunity.
- Once people eventually realise it doesn't exist, write it yourself. Quote from it in essays.
- Tell bad Bible jokes over and over again. E.g. "Who was the shortest person in the Bible? Knee-high-miah!" That joke is always "fresh."
- Misinterpret incarnational ministry to justify your drug problems. I'm fairly sure it's possible.
- In lectures, interrupt the lecturer and students as much as humanely possible with the phrase "In my church, we..." Remember, your churches way is the only way, and the other poor souls in your class need to be enlightened to this higher path of righteousness.
- Read one book and memorise it. Quote from it constantly in casual conversations to make yourself sound more educated.
- If you're ever using PowerPoint in a lecture, make sure there's perky little noises in between every slide. Also, the more time every bullet point spends rotating and twisting before it stays still, the more clever and computer savvy you look.
- Write your dissertation on why being poor is a mortal sin.
- Audit classes then use them to write blog entries.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

I have a dilemma. I am currently growing my hair, and I'm enjoying it. The layers need a trim, but other than that, it's all good. I am happy.

However, I was overcome, albeit very briefly, with an urge to bleach my hair and dye it bright pink yesterday. I'm confused; I like it brown. This is the first time in years that I've stayed with my natural colour for more than 2 months. It's healthier, becuase I haven't dyed it in 6 months. I don't need to worry about it turning grey if I use too much shampoo. It's cheaper. But then there was the random urge; maybe I am denying myself? Maybe my hair WANTS to be blue/purple/pink and I'm only keeping it brown because I'm boring.

I never manage to get decent pictures of my hair when it's more technicolour than anything else, but there's pictures of it pink here and here and it was purple in this picture.

Please, help me!

  • No. Keep it natural. Bleach is bad!

I'm doing an urban ministry intensive this week. It seemed like a really great idea when I booked it. I hope I can switch to audit at the last minute.

To pass the time, I'll tell you what's going on in my head at the moment.

Perinaise in Nandos is possibly the tastiest thing ever. I've been watching Brian eat it with his chips for months and thinking it seems a weird idea - spicy salad cream! - but I eventually gave in and got some for myself. It makes everything it touches taste amazing. You should all eat it every day because it will make your taste buds happy and your life better. Fo' sho'.

I'm going to the Philippines in August/September with Henna for three weeks. We're planning on working with a mission agency for part of it and travelling around for the rest. It's going to be amazing and I'm terrified.

The plane tickets cost a bomb, but we're justifying that because the living costs there are so low compared to Europe. It's about £1 or £2 a night for a decent room in a youth hostel, and I found an apartment for £13 a night, which was amazing. I'm going to go to the doctors this week and find out about what delightful jabs and malaria tablets I'll have to get; any advice is welcome. Seriously, any. I've never been out of Europe.
This summer, I've become the vending machine slave. I have to spend huge amounts of money in Makro buying things to feed it, spend hours filling it up, and even more hours being pestered because it never works properly. People have very strong opinions about what should be in there, and unfortunetly I can't fit everything in. I felt quite popular for the first day, but now I'm really fed up of people asking me for things from the cupboard that I couldn't fit in the machine. If anyone asks me anything like that again while I'm trying to watch TV on a Saturday night I might punch them. Or feed them poison, whatever.

I feel really ill all of a sudden. It tastes like something has curled up and died in my throat and my neck is really stiff. And I have a headache. Urgh. This class is going to be fun.

I am really excited about this. Iorek is HUGE. And the kid who plays Lyra is a cutie, even if she does have a pretentious name. (Dakota Blue sounds more like a shade of matte paint, to be honest.) And with Daniel Craig AND Eva Green, it'll be like an awesome Bond reunion, but with giant bears and witches. It's going to be fabulous.

This movie is consuming my thoughts so much right now. Maybe I should get a large Alethiometer tattoo, just to prove my utter devotion. Or name my first born son Iorek Jr. That would be fun. Although I'm fairly sure I've promised at least five people that I'll name my first born son after them, and I specifically remember making a pact with Matt Smith that if he named his first born Festus, he could name mine whatever he wanted. Pennie and me also have a pact going where if either of us gets pregnant in the next year, we have to call the kid Bingo or Fabio. I love theological college.

Seriously, please keep an eye on me. I feel really weird today.