I'm still alive! Hurrah!

My tan is pretty fantastic. Envy me!

I'm in Manila! It's both boiling and wet, so it's a real sweaty heat. I've managed to avoid being kidnapped/mugged so far, which I'm very happy about. Flight was longer than I realised, it was 16/17 hours!

I spent a good part of today searching for an internet cafe before I realised that there's one right inside the hostel. Oops!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I am at my stop over in Doha. I get free internet access provided I can endure the constant adverts for Samsung, which is harder than it sounds - they all involve bendy women in leather.

I ate lamb curry on the flight, tasted quite nice. Am very satisfied with in flight goodie bag also.

Monday, August 20, 2007

I leave tonight. In preparation, I've been googling "how to avoid being kidnapped." I now know:

- If a family member of mine is kidnapped, I shouldn't let "the help" be in the room while I'm talking to the police, because they're probably in line with the kidnappers.
- I should avoid embarrassing the US government.
- I should be polite, and not afraid to ask for a paper or a cup of tea.
- Rescuers sometimes mistake you for your captors, so I shouldn't be insulted if I'm searched.
- British people are less attractive to potential kidnappers than Americans.

Basically, be very, very British.

At the moment, I don't think I'll get dreads. I adore how they look, but I think I'd only want them some of the time. Which obviously isn't the way forward with dreads. Maybe another time, when I'm less fickle. I have been overcome with an urge to dye my hair blue again though; might bleach it when I'm back from the Philippines. We'll see.

I'm so excited about going away I can't sleep or eat. I've packed everything I can, and written notes about everything I can't. I even managed to find a moderately attractive bikini.

I'm worrying about the most obscure things. I can't fit my contact lense solution in with my toiletries, so it'll have to go in the medicines bag, but somehow this feels wrong. This is a really bad time in my life to develop OCD.

Also, you should all click on this.

Friday, August 17, 2007

I have further proof that my nephew William is going to grow up in my likeness.


He has good taste in hand bags. These photos aren't staged; he picked up the bag himself and hooked it over his little arm. Then chewed it a bit. I mean, I totally encouraged him once I noticed, but he really liked it! He cried when I took it away from him!

He also likes Pokemon.

In other news, I've started to pack. In true Manchester style, it's been drizzly all day, so I've been watching my washing like a hawk and running in and out with it constantly. It felt sort of like a war; me against the weather. In a bad way.

I'm having to make all sorts of heart wrenching decisions, like what underwear to wear on the plane (It's important!) and whether I should I need to make/purchase a bag to put my jewellery and headscalves in. I told you, it's a difficult time for me.

In other exciting news, there are no nice bikinis on the high street at all. All the normal shaped ones (ie no ruffles, large beads, shells etc) are either not in my size (I'm not sure how that happened; I'm a distinctly average size) or covered in frightening jungle prints. Or paisley. I don't like paisley.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Dreadlocks, yay or nay?

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I think I've developed an awful reading disability; I'm misreading everything. I just saw an Olay advert on Myspace and giggled for ages because I thought it said "gay," and everyone knows the word "gay" is hilarious.

I'm now on Malaria tablets. I'm looking forward to the interesting effects they will undoubtedly have on my bowels, which I plan on telling anyone who will stay still enough. So far I've been fairly side effect free, except for a brief and uncharacteristic bout of depression after the first four tablets. I was charged for an adult meal in the Tesco cafe while my friends were charged for a kid's meal, and combined with my rock solid Yorkshire pudding, this nearly reduced me to tears. I apologised to my boyfriend for this, pointing out that I'm rarely moody and therefore it was the tablet's fault and not mine, and he had the nerve to disagree, saying that I'd been moody "at least 4 or 5 times" in the past 10 months. I think you all need to point out to said boyfriend, that in girl terms, this makes me practically comatose, and he should count his lucky stars for such a laid back girlfriend, and also buy me lots of gifts.

Henna and myself now have a rough plan for our trip to the Philippines. We're staying in Manilla for the first week; our hostel is down the road from a "gay friendly foam party club" which excites me a lot. After that we're going to Palawan, which according to the "Philippines Travel Information" given to me with my malaria tablets is a place where British people shouldn't go unless absolutely necessary; the FCO's website disagrees with it, so I'm not worrying. After that we're going to the Visayas, then back to Manilla.

While trying to find attractive pictures to accompany that last paragraph, I found a wonderful website telling me about "Love and Romance Filipino Style." Apparently Filipinas find old fat foreigners particularly attractive, which is handy for the old fat foreigners. There's also a handy list of questions to ask a potential Filipina bride you are chatting to online, including whether they're a light or a heavy sleeper, and how many long distance phone calls they would expect to make once they were married. A man also writes a helpful essay on the dangers on taking your Filipina bride to live in the States; apparently they stop being as submissive and start "saying no," which is of course an awful thing for any woman to say.

Another website tells me of the wonders of getting stoned in such a beautiful environment. I will however, be careful; I've been told to be wary of chewing the betel nut, which damages teeth.

For the first time in my life, the Annoyopedia has failed me; it only lists 17 ways to annoy people on an aeroplane, and most of them involve props or a loud voice, neither of which I have. I plan on spending some of the time writing a more comprehensive list of ways to annoy people on a plane, and then share it with the world.

Saturday, August 11, 2007


Using this cheat, I actually managed to catch myself a L7 Mew! For real!

This reflects badly on my life, but my heart is beating really fast with the drama of it all. First I couldn't figure out when to teleport, then Slowpoke proved harder to beat than I expected, then I ran out of Pokeballs and had to start again (He took me about 6), then I thought I'd lost Mew when I switched off the Gameboy, then I thought he'd wiped the saved game...

But no. Mew is now mine, and I am his. I love you, my little pink beastie. I love you.

I've started playing Pokemon again. It's consuming my life - I play it in the IKEA queue, while I'm on the phone, on the loo. I carry my Gameboy around in my bag as religiously as I do my keys and that cashcard with the big overdraft. I bet you all wish you were as cool as me.

My gothic myspace profile now has 47 friends. If gothic Vickie is more popular than regular Vickie, I might have to go insane.

I'm considering getting into online poker and becoming rich. Any thoughts or opinions on this, let me know...

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

I thought this list would be easier to write and accomplish than the "things to do before I die" list.

- Become an internet celebrity. This is classier than being a regular celebrity and therefore a worthier goal.
- Dress up as a mime artist and hang out in Piccadilly Gardens.
- Get a manicure without dripping blood everywhere.
- Use an advanced Vogue sewing pattern for it's intended use, rather than as a stylish coaster.
- Busk.
- Create the perfect cheesecake.
- Go wreck diving.
- Win a theological debate with someone over the age of 16.
- Get a job.

My life is really quite shallow.

I have just about managed to survive the last few weeks without anymore gross minor injuries. I've lost a few moles due to excessive itching of midge bites, but moles aren't particularly useful anyway, so no biggie.

After watching Legally Blonde a few too many times in one week, I got my first french manicure yesterday. The woman who did it obviously had a deep seated hatred of me, because she made me bleed far more than was neccesary and made my nails incredibly wonky, but I rather enjoy being the "type" of girl with a french manicure. If I ignore the nail with blood seeping out of it, I feel quite classy.

After an unfortunate incident with Tidy's hair dye, we decided to dress up as goths and see if we could pull it off in public. The residents of Didsbury gaped at us, despite our fairly standard outfits.

We suit it, no?