Friday, October 19, 2007

What's that? If I don't activate my account five million, three hundred and seventy four thousand and twenty four days, Norton Internet Security will stop working? If I don't activate my account by the year 16720, I won't be protected against a whole host of viruses and other threats?

I mock you, Norton Internet Security. I mock you.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Pastor: We're going to have a drama about Joseph next! Who can tell me anything about Joseph?
Kid #1: He had a coat!
Kid #2: His coat was a technicolour dreamcoat!
Kid #3: He was a good singer.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

I was first alerted to the letter in my college pigeon hole by Matt Smith, who mentioned it while I was at the vending machine. Intrigued, I went to investigate, taking my boyfriend with me. I was excited about the prospect of a loving handwritten letter, or even better, a cheque.

The letter was addressed to the Student Welfare Officer. Someone had opened it, then readdressed it to me.

"Sucker!" said my loving boyfriend. "No one loves you! It's just social justice junk." I was sad, and didn't open it until I got home.

When I eventually opened the letter, I didn't find a Tearfund magazine, or a leaflet about buying cows. I could understand that; I'm the Social Justice Rep. That's what I'm supposed to do; buy cows, or something. What I found was nothing to do with social justice, yet it had still been addressed to me. This is where my confusion arises.

Inside the envelope were five bright pink posters saying, "I did the test and now I'm PREGNANT! What now??", two leaflets of a similar ilk and a cardboard cog wheels that tells you when your baby is due.

I want to know, who at NTC thinks I need this information? Why was it me they addressed it to, rather than the college counsellor or the Youth Min rep? (Youths of course, are infamous for their skills at getting pregnant.)

Until I hear otherwise, I'm going to presume that the faculty think I'm a brazen hussy.