Friday, July 11, 2008

Sorry if my post last night didn't make much sense, it sounded hilarious in my head, but then again, I was on the wine and I was swaying around like Jack Sparrow.

My new house has a gas cooker which is lovely and good for all sorts of reasons, but I've never had one before and I'm hopeless with it. Because it heats up so quickly, my cooking times are all out; I don't have enough time to give the tortoise babies a bath and have a wee while I'm cooking beans on toast. The temperature also seems to have two options; very hot and too hot. I picked the wrong one last night and my oil started spraying off in all directions, including the direction my eye was located at. It hurt. Boiling oil isn't meant to go inside your eye. I screamed.

I had a weird dream last night about being on the run in a canoe. Other people were there too, but I can't remember who they were. The police were chasing me, so we dived into this canoe and went as quick as we could, but there were holes in it, so I had to empty it out with a plastic beaker. I was delirious with adrenaline, but then the river (it looked more like a water slide) stopped inside a factory, but I couldn't get back in the canoe until I bought some new earrings. Then I realised that running away wouldn't be as fun and glamourous as I thought because I didn't have my debit card on me and I'd just spent all my cash on earrings shaped like flip flops.

Some day, if I get really rich, I might run away in a canoe.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Living with new people makes me realise what a complete odd ball I am; you don't really notice until you view it through a new housemate's eyes...

- I leave my cereal in the fridge for about 20 minutes before I eat it. I like it to be soggy.
- When I drink milk, I swish it round in my mouth. Apparently it makes a noise.
- I bathe my tortoise babies in old takeaway boxes.
- I listen to a LOT of Eurovision music. I've made a big effort to start listening to "cool" stuff now I know other people can hear me, but old habits die hard.
- I get drunk very, very quickly.
- I take my Firefox add ons very seriously.

It seems I don't even need to use my funtime bird watching persona to find weirdos anymore. Meet Vlad.
Vlad is an angry Russian man. His about me made me giggle.

I really get annoyed when people never answer their messages. Look at my keywords, if you don't agree with them, chances are I don't want to talk to you. And please no hip-hop/rap lovers
His key words are: compassionate, devoted, friends, honesty, kind, love, loyal, smart.

All three of those sentences are angry. I also find the whole key words thing hilarious; who disagrees with a word like "smart." Has he had some awful hotornot romance in the past where he got really close to a girl, then dared utter something like, "You know, you're really smart. I can see this going somewhere. You're kind, compassionate, devoted, you love your friends and you're really loyal," and the girl was like, "OMG I disagree with those things on a fundamental level! GTFO my life! Down with smart!"?

I hope so.

He mentioned his job, so I asked him what he worked as and he goes, "
I am honestly a bit annoyed when people always ask me what do I do. Does being MRI Tech make me more or less "attrative" to you?" I mean, seriously! What was I supposed to say to that? "No. I only date people with a humanities degree. Bye, loser." What I did say was this:

"I don't know. I've never met another MRI Tech. I was just interested, that's all. I'm sorry if I made you angry. Sometimes I get angry when I don't win the bird I want on eBay and I get mad. It's not a nice feeling. I cried for well over half an hour when I didn't win a stuffed chaffinch the other day.

He doesn't seem interested in my birds, only in telling me about things that piss him off. I egg him on.

This is Henny. I think the word that sums Henny up best is "lovemeister." This is his profile.
i am a true romantic.i love to spoon, cuddle, hug, kiss and make love......
Keywords: 6 foot 5, annie hall, big chill, cuddle, generous, hagendaz, holding hands, hug, kindness, kiss, laugh, los angeles, made in heaven, open marriage, pamper, plastic surgeon, slow dance, spoil, spoon, sugar daddy, sweaty palms, sweet-smile dr, tantra, wife bi, wife tv doctor

The idea of the keywords section of your profile is that somewhere on the site (hotornot is awfully made, so I can't quite figure out where) you can search for specific words that you're interested in, and anyone who lists those words as one of their key words will spring up to the front of your list. If I was to search for a key word I would look for in a man, it would probably be something like "beard" or "Stargate" or "not fat." I don't want to dwell on the mental state of a woman who searches things like "holding hands" and "sweaty palms."

Anyway, Henny likes to send me lovely, personal messages. Sometimes I reply to them.

Henny: you are heartstopping ravishing~! simply enchanting~! read my profile..and key words..i think you will be as intrigued with me,as i am with you.
Vickie: You love to spoon? What does that mean? I love cutlery; I know it sounds weird, but I just have this thing about nice cutlery! I enjoy food so much more if I'm eating it from nice spoons. Especially beef.
Henny: are simply ravishing~! heartstopping enchanting~!
Vickie: But I thought you said that i was heartstoppingly ravishing and simply enchanting? Not the other way round? Don't confuse me so, sweet Romeo!
Henny: does my juliet have a tel #... how old is my juliet?

I told him I'm 14, just to see what he says. He hasn't replied yet.

Anyway, after the sad death of Sophie, I invested in some more tortoise babies. Meet Captain Picard and Phoebe.