Saturday, June 06, 2009

1. Please stop wearing leggings. I know Kate Moss can pull them off sometimes, but you are not Kate Moss. Bright pink leggings aren't "retro," they're sinful. And the bad kind of sinful too, not the little sins that God probably finds funny and nearly does himself occasionally.

Like most sane human beings, I mainly dislike fat people in leggings. Too many people seem to think that if they don't have the legs to wear a micro mini or hot pants, they can totally get away with it if they wear bright pink zebra print leggings underneith. This is stupid; not only can I still see your chunky thighs, they're even more obvious because they're BRIGHT PINK.

Even if you have nice legs, leggings are not wise. They highlight everything that is slightly wrong with your body. Only skinny, tall girls should even contemplate wearing them, and even then, no. Especially with the current trend to wear them with nothing but a long tshirt, some "ironic" sunglasses that aren't actually sunglasses and clashing shoes, you just look a tit. Please stop it. I don't want to see the minute contours of your thighs, and I ESPECIALLY don't want to see your camel toe and your VPL when your tshirt rides up, which it will.

2. Men, stop wearing slogan tshirts. Even if they're funny the first time you read them, they definitely aren't the 74th time. When I was in a particularly foul mood the other day, I saw a man wearing a tshirt that said "You want me, you just don't know it yet!" I found it so irritating that I actually walked up to the poor guy, looked him square in the eye and said, "I really don't mate," before moving on. I know it's hard to believe from the general aura of sweetness and light and cupcake that surrounds me, but I've been a wee bit grumpy recently.

Another one I've seen a lot recently is "Cover me in chocolate and feed me to the lesbians!" I'm not too familiar with the social habits of large groups of half starved homosexual women, but I'm pretty sure hungrily licking chocolate off a delighted 19 year old male is pretty low down on their list of priorities. Personally, "Kill the mother hugger who's been keeping us in captivity and starving us for weeks" and "Wash chocolate stains off carpet before they stain," would be much higher on my list.