Saturday, October 26, 2013

I want to wear your skin like a coat;
I'd be inside you and you'd be all around me
and that would be really neat.
I bet it would be warm and smell like you
and you know I love your smell right?
When I catch the scent of your neck
I breathe in deep, like helium from a birthday balloon,
and I imagine that I've trapped part of you inside me
and perhaps if I hold my breath for long enough
something clever will happen with chemicals, science stuff,
and I'll never have to miss you again.

Part of you will be mixed up with all of me.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

I was talking to my friends about weird stuff we did when we were children, and after listening to their stories, I realised that mine aren't weird and cute, they're bloody worrying. Seriously, if I read this list, I would think it was notes for a biography on a deranged killer.

- I pulled legs off spiders and daddy long legs. Not just a couple of times, all the time. Sometimes if you pulled all of them off, the little body would just vibrate around on it's own before it died.

- I played chess with myself. For hours. Each colour would have a slightly different strategy and I'd take it really seriously.

- I used to collect dead animal skulls and keep them in the ruins of a barn near my house.

- My first memory is trying to kill one of my little friends because he followed me into the toilet. I pushed him down the stairs. I remember watching him bounce down, then being really confused about why our mums were shouting at me because I hadn't actually succeeded in killing him, so what was there to be mad about?

- My family owned a beautiful, idyllic caravan park in a very beautiful part of the Lake District. Because of that, we regularly used the services of a mole catcher called Steven, because mole hills are unsightly. He'd put metal traps int he mole hills that would strangle them when they tried to peep out. One day, when I was walking to my school bus, I retrieved a dead mole from one of the traps and smuggled it into school with me. It's fur was really soft, and I thought it was the best cuddly toy ever. It had funny big digging hands. My teacher was horrified and insisted on burying it and I cried all day.

- My dad shot a big bird that was attacking some of the wildlife on the park, and tied it to a string and hung it from the bird table as some sort of terrifying warning to other birds (Looking back, that makes no sense at all... perhaps I learnt all these creepy things from my father?!). I untied the string, then swung the dead bird around my head like a lassoo.

- I used to purposely let nettles sting me, because I thought it felt funny, and I liked the feeling of rubbing dock leaves on the bumps afterwards.

- I was facinated by ants. I used to get big cups of water and slowly pour them over the stones where they lived, so they'd all squash onto tiny patches of dry stone and get more and more panicked. Sometimes I'd carefully rescue them from the flood I'd just created, and blow on them til they dried out and started wriggling around again. I felt like a god.

- I used binoculars to stare out of the window at other kids playing for ages. I'd take notes.

Seriously, child-Victoria was a creep.