Monday, January 27, 2014

I fed a wild dog today I've been ignoring for two years.
I'm not cruel; he's a bad dog, he
makes me do bad things.
Wild things can't be trained, they come and go, but I've learnt that
the more I shout at him
the more he bays at my window.

He's been prowling for a while,
it's his nature to hunt weak things, and that's what I am.
I'm all hipbones and malaise and
I opened the door.

We sat together, him and I,
and we waited for you to get in touch;
a twisted game you never consented to playing and
he won.
It's only a victory for him.

My body is different now but
it's somewhat comforting to see it written on my skin.
I'm not ok.

Friday, January 24, 2014

This is me reading a poem by Clementine von Radics. When I first read this, I was lonely to my bones; the idea of finding someone who loved me like that was foreign and terrifying and beautiful and filled me with longing.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Is your silence because you have no words
or because you are filled with them?

I am filled with words.


That breath stealing silence after the cymbols crash;
Suddenly I'm standing on consecrated ground and
the next words I hear are ones which change my life.

lightning flowers only grow on broken things;
but breaking can be beautiful and
shadows aren't always stains.

Friday, January 10, 2014

I spent tonight reading poetry. I am better at reading poetry than writing poetry. I like memorising beautiful things and saying them out loud because I like the feel of the words in my mouth. I memorised two poems tonight and they were both about hope.

I read more than that but I didn't memorise them.

Yesterday I ate three protein bars and a coffee. Today I felt dizzy. I told a colleague she shouldn't feel guilty about eating a burger because I hated the idea of her being hungry. When I got home I cried as I ate.

still shore, safe harbour
she was made for storms.